From Chaos to Collected: My Story

September 18, 2017 — Leave a comment

Edit your life frequently and ruthlessly. It’s your masterpiece after all. – Nathan W. Morris

This is the beginning of a series I’m doing about getting yourself out from under your clutter and into your dream life. I hope you like it!


Any life untended makes a mess. If you haven’t been tending to yourself or your life, there’s a good chance that, like me, your life is less than glamorous.

Let me share a little story:

 I’ve lived most of my life with genetic severe depression and anxiety. Most of that time, I was unmedicated or, until very recently, under medicated. So what’s a girl to do when her brain chemicals are out of whack? Self-medicate. And I self-medicated the way a lot of people do: shopping! I didn’t even need the stuff. I just felt that knee-jerk burst of feel-good hormones when I saw something I liked, bought it and as soon as the high was gone (so pretty much immediately) I was on to the next thing. By the time it actually arrived, I didn’t really care anymore. If I was smart and it was possible, I’d return it. But dealing with depression, I wasn’t a big fan of leaving the house so a lot of it stayed here.

On top of that, I felt really lost about who I was. I didn’t feel like I had a north star to look to, to guide me to where I wanted to be, who I wanted to become. I was surrounded by people doing things they’re passionate about and then there was me, wasting my days watching Youtube and eating a lot of junk food. The shame around my spending and lack of activity made it worse. I felt like I had nothing in common with anyone. When you live with good enough over and over again, you start to live a just-barely-good-enough life. My life ended up boring and sad. I had things I dreamed of being, doing or having, but that would have taken work or I was too deep into whatever or I would be judged. I had a million excuses, no action and eventually no social support structure.

But, this isn’t just a sob story, I swear! This whole blog is about me digging myself out and, I hope, inspiring you to do the same. When I think about what will support my ideal day, I see my craft room as a nice, tidy space with plenty of room to stretch out, minimal Shabby Chic furnishings and pretty decorations. I want clean and cozy. I want a little coffee table I can have my breakfasts at on mismatched china while I listen to a record. To do that, I can’t have extra chairs, craft supplies, and random items cluttering up the room. I will need a record player and mismatched china and cloth napkins and a coffee table. That’s a lot of things. What that means is I can’t have excess stuff I don’t need taking up room. It’s like William Morris said:

Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.

Over the next few weeks, I’ll be writing through the steps I’m going through to get there and posting my progress. Now it’s your turn! Do you envision a tidier life for yourself? Leave a comment below with what your first step is going to be and when you’re going to do it by!

Carolee

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